Oh look, another goodbye 2014 post

I haven't wrote in a very long time,  Christ . It's not Christ's fault. It's mine. Let this post be the start of it. But I will be looking back at this year as quite odd yet most successful years, weird huh?

Blah blah anxiety blah. I'm sick of talking about just as much as friends are sick of hearing about it.  It's all the acknowledgement and acceptance that has allowed it to consume my happiness (deep) but it's also helped me understand or at least try to that it doesn't define me. It's ALL about the mind. I've learnt a few tricks through studying and talking to people,  control it and it can't hurt you.  If you're there constantly talking about how sad you are and how shit things are,  do you really expect a mental improvement? I've always been positive. Cup is always half full. Always. Even when moaning because like my hero Karl Pilkington says 'moaning is like a fart, you feel better once you let it out'.  Anxiety is no laughing matter though and neither is mental health. Try not to be a c*nt and support where needed.

I have achieved a new job AND promotion this year so hooray for me. After years of bar work,  which I look fondly back on like the one that got away, and applications after Interview after applications I got a big girl job. I like the 8-5 life although the, 5.30 wake up calls are dire in this weather/season.

I moved out of my lovely Hagley Road flat and back to Walsall on a temporary basis. I miss city life,  bright lights. People walking into me and shouting 'excuse you' loudly all while hiding behind the biggest bloke around.

Overview of 2014 is a thank you for the lessons,  thank you for the new friends and for the old friends and thanks for setting me up for a more than average year.

Goals
Travel thrice◻
Start a new blog and write stuff ◻
Get fit.  Healthy heart = healthy mind ◻
Move back to Birmingham city ◻
Start studying towards new career ◻
Get a hobby you bore ◻

Obsessive compulsive cleaners...

Obsessive compulsive cleaners. I do enjoy trash documentaries, I do. Having suffered minor OCD as a child and on/off anxiety through teens to adulthood I'm forever speaking up for mental health awareness but this show does nothing but make the sufferers an entertainment piece.

Obsessive compulsive cleaner meets a hoarder, gets shown around their home while wrenching and slating the shit out of it. Yes a week old pan full of food is a bit rank but surely it's on the same spectrum as licking your toilet because it's looks so clean? Just because somebody is different it doesn't mean they are wrong.

All this show does, and hey I won't pretend I don't secretly enjoy it because people do fascinate me, is highlight quirks and how weird it may be to keep decades worth of typewriters or cry because there is a hair in your glass, it doesn't solve the underlying physiological issue. Rant over.

Growing up is difficult.

It's often said that life is journey of self discovery or some other bullshit like that. I love to hate quotes by the way. When I was young and I'd broken up with boyfriends I'd plaster my Facebook and BBM with indirect song lyrics and quotes thinking I was subtle, ha. Anyway...

At the tender age 24 I am still learning so much about myself. I'm becoming a sassy little bitch yet come across shy and reserved I think it's because i don't force my personality on people and I have started dislike those who do. I will talk to anyone and everyone but I won't try more than handful of times, sometimes you don't click with people. It's life. I don't let things get to me, I'm strong but I'm sensitive, I am a woman after all! I am happy though and surely that matters. Ambitious and pervy with a penchant for good rum.

Let's talk about sex.

Close friends will know how often I talk about sex and how open I am about the subject. I don't go into filthy detail and past lovers can wipe beads of sweat off their heads as I never talk about particular sex I've had. Just sex. If friends want advice or any worries than I can be there to listen or advise. I'm not a hussy at all. This isn't a little piece I'm going to stick on craigslist, it's just me wondering why there is so much taboo on the subject. We all do it. It is after why we here as a result of it. Don't get me wrong I won't spark up a conversation with a stranger talking about fucking just friends and boyfriends.

And why is it still considered wrong if a girl wants a casual sexual relationship but if a man does it than it's ok because it's the modern age and it's what everyone is doing. Who are these men having casual sex with then? Huh? HUH? When I've mentioned to friends it may be what I'm after I may as well have been lynched. Not multiple men. Just one man and one woman with a clear understanding of the get down. We all have needs until you feel the need to settle down.

Anyway, rant off my chest. No, this isn't an invitation. Unless you want it to be.

For quite some time and a few posts further on in this blog I have been expressing slight frustration at being stuck in a rut. Your early twenties are usually this way, it has just taken me some time to realise that it isn't just me feeling like this and how completely normal my current situation is.

If I am completely honest I have a big dream to make money and be a success. I don't particularly want to fall into the 'rich' category I just want to be comfortable and be the best at what I do. Just what in is what I am still discovering. At this moment in time (if we fast forward two weeks ahead) I am a waitress living with my parents however I am working and have been permantly for close to ten years. I have had little financial help (if we exclude the government hand outs during my university time which I am already paying off!) and always managed to pick myself up. Having to move home originally was an awful idea after having own place. The sense of independence is what drives me in life. Doing things my way when I want and how I want but I am more than grateful I am allowed back.

It's only when I take a step back and see where other friends are that I see that I am not alone. Even so what other people are doing with their lives doesn't mean I have to be doing the same. Life isn't a competition for fucks sake. I am more than happy at the moment and definitely not looking for marriage and children or even buying a house. I want to rent. I want to meet new people and learn new things. Above all things I really want to travel and with some planning and a lot of spontaneity I will and everything else that is supposed to follow will.

I am laying in bed watching cat videos.

Let me confess:

I can't wait to fall in love again.